Kyra Wiggins, LMT RM
Massage Therapy & Reiki: Holistic Healing and Teaching
Love or Is it?


Do you know love?

We all have our own idea of what love is or even what it means to be loved.  I’m starting to think that very few people truly know LOVE.  For a long time, I was included in the majority mentioned in the statement above.  Truthfully, I’m still not 100% sure I grasp the full concept but this is my theory:

The love that most comprehend is conditional; if you do for me, I’ll love you/ if you show me love, I’ll return the favor/if you add value to my life, I’m suppose to love you in return.  But I don’t blame others for exhibiting the only concepts of love that they themselves have ever known.  We can blame our parents or the ones who came before us for never passing down any knowledge of any other concepts of love.  But have you considered that unknown knowledge cannot be passed down through generations?  Have you taken into consideration that we can’t expect to receive unconditional love from one another if the majority has never experienced the concept in the first place?

I wish I could spread the knowledge of unconditional love across the world; so that everyone would then live with compassion, consideration and a genuine care for one another.  But it starts with self.  In today’s times, love isn’t even given to self; we sabotage our lives and blame everyone other than ourselves for our misfortune.  If others aren’t to blame, who is? Take a good look at yourself in the mirror.  The person staring back at you has the answers to your questions; you just don’t know it yet.  If we live the same life we know, we only end up with the same results.  It is your responsibility to want more for yourself.  It is your responsibility to seek out the answers to your unknown and it is your responsibility to pass this knowledge down to the next generation in order to break the cycle.

Try these steps in attempt to accomplish self love:

·         Acknowledge you fault(s)

·         Accept your truth(s)

·         Begin to heal by letting go of your lie(s)

Self love is the first step to understanding love in general.  The hardest part of loving one’s self, is knowing where to begin.  The cardinal rule: treat others how you would like to be treated can be utilized in reverse in this scenario.  Treat yourself how you would like to be treated; if you want a partner who is honest and caring, give yourself that same respect. Do you take care of yourself?  Or do you put everyone else before yourself and get upset when none puts you first? Do you tell yourself lies to make yourself feel better or to avoid dealing with the truth? Do you respect yourself? Below is a list of concepts put together to direct you on how to love another; but if you are struggling with loving yourself, utilize this list by directing it to yourself first before you consider practicing it on a partner:

1.       You have to see the other person in your life for who they are, not who you want or expect them to be

2.       Know that loving someone goes way beyond any physical form

3.       Respect your other half’s emotional side

a.       Seek to understand why they are the way they are emotionally; you may in turn help them to learn a new way of handling emotions but don’t force your concept upon them

b.      Compromise on the process of handling one’s emotions that is comfortable for both parties

c.       Encourage consistence emotional growth while still respecting their individual timeline of reaching each goal (don’t push the issue)

4.       Understand their mentality

a.       Learn from their upbringing; the environment and mentality was the foundation for the beginning of their life

b.      Encourage them to heal from their past; unhealed trauma may have resulted in mental walls being built for their protection that they may not even need anymore but they haven’t let their guard down just out of habit

c.       Supporting them through this healing may sling shot your relationship forward (this is one of the hardest areas to heal)

5.       Discovery their spiritual side

a.       Learn/Discover together

b.      Encourage them to pursue things/endeavors that mean something to them

c.       Learn and respect their passion(s) even if you can’t relate

d.      Genuinely want what’s best for the other person even if you’re not sure what exactly that is; genuine intent will bring forth that which is desired

Know that you cannot do any of the healing for your partner.  The desire and the action has to be their own but your support will greatly assist their journey; whether you’re just a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or a constant reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  To love another completely, you have to respect not only their body but their mind and spirit as well.  If one feels neglected, the whole will feel incomplete.

“If you love me, love all of me.” –unknown.

Experts say that there is more to relationships than just love; there’s compassion, loyalty, trust, respect and communication, just to name a few.  Although I didn’t touch on these topics I do believe them to all be essential aspects that are required for any relationship to be truly successful.  A huge misconception of love is that it exists without the need for any action to be put forth towards its development.  This is where I disagree; just like the other aspects of any relationship, love has to be worked at with the same commitment and intent of progression in order to be achieved at a deeper/more intimate level.

If you’re unhappy with aspects of your relationship(s) or life in general, you have the option to accept any alternate perspective, which then will lead to alternate actions that will yield an alternate result.  If you are content with the same perception in which you have always believed, don’t be surprised if you continue to yield the same or similar results.  Not to say that every change in perception will yield the result in which you are looking for but if you don’t try how will you ever know?

This article is my personal perception on steps that I have taken in order to achieve a deeper connected experience with love.  Thank you for lending me your ear in regards to the concept at hand; feel free to agree or agree to disagree.  No one can tell you how to live your life.  No one can make you change your perception without your approval.  You have complete control of what you expose yourself to that ultimately shapes your reality.  Now the only question is, are you happy with the reality that you have created for yourself?  If not, know that you have the power to change it.

Until Next Time!

K. Tiara

Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals
© Copyright 2020 Kyra Wiggins, LMT RM. All rights reserved.